Be An ACTIVE-ist

I am an active girl. It seems I am always moving it and shaking it. One of the things I hear myself say over and over again is if you want movement in your life, move your legs! Change is imminent, and I have grown to love it. I am just one of those people who actually enjoys change. I love watching the show. Watching the world unfold and unwind itself. But I want to participate! I am an activist!

Lately, I feel a surge of activity. Seems that all of these yoga classes and runs are working out! Change is all around us. Just last week, I was able to see my friends and others speaking out.

Maggie DiNome brought holistic measures, like yoga, nutrition, and acupuncture to the Margie Petersen Breast Center at St. John's. I got to teach to Pink in the front row, in a simple Tree Pose, with Ms. Kate Beckinsale hosting. On Monday, the lovely Jennifer Aniston interviewed Gloria Steinem about modern feminism and redefining our views on value and self-worth. My friend, Lili Haydn participated in the One Billion Rising movement with the release of her new song, Here Is The Rose, rising up against violence towards women. I went to a house party for Marianne Williamson running for congress. Football players and famous actresses coming out at gay. It seems like old structures are being shattered, and we are creating a new framework.

I am incredibly excited about all of this. Personally, I have been breaking through (or at least seeing) some of my old patterns that were developed so long ago as a protective structure. Today, the world reflects my own desire for deep and profoundly permanent change. My inner journey requires an external overhaul. I am seeing more and more my own design that has been holding me back. I can see that when I am in my intimate relationships, I shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes, brushing off how I really feel, instead of sharing my real truth: which is that I am inspired to be completely present to your brave process. When I really take another in, and I see truth in a struggle being shared, and a genuine yearning to shift...I want to participate in that courageous path! I caught myself over and over again, hiding...pretending...but something in me shattered, for the better.

Change or be changed seems to be a sign of the times. I go, willingly. I just may have to start changing by moving my legs. But who knows what movement that will jump start. I hope you come along. Bring your own drummer!

Heart Songs: 14 Things I Love

1. I love my body, and my body lovingly responds.
2. Backbends! A backbend for an open heart! When I do a backbend, it opens my ribcage and allows me to expand my chest, symbolizing a heart opening. Bridge, Camel, Sphynx, Cat/Cow, Bow, Cobra, Upward Facing Dog are all back bends. They give me a flexible spine and allow my heart to open up.
3. Gratitude list in the morning. Gratitude expands my joy and happiness. My heart grows when I count my blessings.
4. You! When I love you, I am extending service, and the love I am giving flows through me, so I benefit.
5. Me! When I love me, and I am a reflection of you, I am loving you! Encourage me to love myself, it's good for both of us!
6. Delicious, wholesome organic farmer's market food. What I think and how I feel about what I put into my body had a direct connection to it's effect on me.
7. Chocolate! If you are going to ingest something that is a treat, enjoy it! Enjoyment is healthier than calorie counting and rigidity.
8. Sweating! Cardiovascular activity is good for your heart. Walk, run, play, spin, do sun salutes.
9. The Sun. The heart is the center of your body, and the sun is the center of your universe. Worship the sun!
10. Questioning. Love is always the answer.
11. My legs and feet. Find something you absolutely love about your body. Make it your mantra today.
12. Surprising people. Give compliments freely today. Skip the criticism.
13. Tears. And laughter. Be okay with whatever you are feeling. Let it flow. And let it go.
14. Walking around my house in the nude. Get naked! Be free! I love my body!!!

Thinking Into The Future

What can you dream? Goethe said whatever you can dream, you can become. When we dream collectively, we unify and co-create reality. Look at the internet. Pretty much any idea you have and any world you seek, so you shall find. There are others out there creating the dream with you. You are not alone. Everything turns out okay.

I remember my lonely days as a child. I felt so isolated from the others. From the outside it seemed that the other children had these cookie cutter lives. Dinner together at 6pm, a specific bedtime, and rules. My home was rattling with ideas. New ideas: macrobiotic food, the concept of yin and yang, Playboy, meditation, salt water purified swimming pool, tarot cards, and Amazake. I spent time reading Dostoevsky instead of The Hobbit or Little Women, and made endless lists while multi-tasking, never completely spacing out in front of the television the way others seemed to.

I imagined that if I lived in one of my friends' homes that life would be easier. Thanksgiving would be traditional, turkey-eating dinners. There wouldn't routinely be a half-naked man with his leg behind his head, breathing Darth Vader style in my entry way when I came downstairs in the morning. "Good Morning, Dad."

I would become a teenager and have a locker instead of going to a mobile school for experiential learning in a multi-colored mini van. I would go out on dates instead of having "feelings sessions" where we shared about our feelings with the nine other 13-year-olds in my mobile class.

I would work at a frozen yogurt shop while studying for a final exam instead of packing my bags for New York City to act in a Broadway show while my parents struggled with the affair that would break up our family, leaving me permanently disenfranchised from a family base.

I would have gone to a college university instead of developing an eating disorder to stay under 90 pounds while I acted on "Cheers", coming so close to getting a role in the movie "Say Anything", but instead landing a role in the surprise cult classic "Teen Witch." I would have met some guy who was a communications major instead of flirting endlessly with actors, and I would not have gotten my self-esteem from saying NO. And NO. And NO.

I would have believed in a linear reality instead of talking to my future self, and talking back to my little self. Reminding and asking if I would really be okay.

Life would be simple. I'd get a job, get married, have babies and then....I wouldn't have to/get to make it up. Whatever I want. What is this in-between space I live in? Without walls to protect me, I had to make these imaginary thought walls. These constructs that are movable, but harder to break down than the doors my father punched holes in when I was little.

Yes. It could have been different. But as I asked my future self to guide me, she always let me know that everything was going to be okay. I am her now. So every so often, I reach back. And I remind her, because there she is. Open. Asking. Thinking. And I am here for her. "Everything turns out okay in the end." And if it's not okay, it's not the end.

Unexpected Change!

I can't do it without you! And you can't do it without me either. Every single one of us has a very important perspective to share with the world. Like human puzzle pieces designed to fit together in a very specific way. Don't you find it amazing how you tend to attract those who are likeminded, as well as the ones who think completely differently than you, that challenge your boundaries and false belief systems, and stretch you beyond where you could go alone? This is how we surprise and help one another.

I have this little story about a family that I know. The parents of three are Christians and come from a very established family; political and Republican. (Progressive rebels, please save your judgements, for I believe that all of this stuff is just a flip side of the same coin. Democrat and Republican need each other, and we may want to think outside of that box at some point…. but I digress, that's another blog post.) The parents raised them well, with good values and with very truthful hearts. At some point the eldest daughter came out. She loved a woman! Well, what I witnessed was an awesome occurrence.

This mother, who works for a pastor, has such a strong faith and has an equally strong love for her daughter. (As you would imagine all good Christians do!) She was able to be stretched by her own love for her daughter, which may have challenged her faith by rubbing right up against her belief system. I watched curiously as this woman opened herself and unfurled before my very eyes. She even involved herself in the proposal of marriage her daughter was planning. The couple ended up having a very traditional East Coast wedding. The only exception: it was two women pledging their love. What I found fascinating is that there was never a mention of the same-sexness. There were no apologies. Only a celebration of coming together to create a life of joy.

To me, this is the best expression of how we all help one another to grow. Beyond our beliefs of right and wrong. When I look inside my own heart, I know that my compassion was stretched by my relationship with my own father. Yes, he was the one who brought yoga, macrobiotics, meditation, and much more into my life, but he was also the one who hurt me with his anger, his harsh words and verbal abuse, and his lack of care for the family. I have always really loved my father and given him the benefit of the doubt. People make mistakes. Even the harshest most harmful words come from a human being. My father was not careful with me, but his nature challenged my very own. Love? Yes. Always. Forgiveness? Yes. Always. When I am challenged to my core, I am simply challenged to love myself and stand against no others. What comes from this exercise is unexpected change.

Universal Love

Love yourself with all your might. Leave no part of you out. Dark and light. You are perfection. Uniquely you!

There is nobody quite like you. All of your mismatched parts and your nooks and crannies are a part of your personal design. It's your birthright to be you. To accept and love all the little bits of yourself is an effort of integration and the art of self-love. It's important to unify all aspects of YOU. Yoga means union. Union with the self teaches us relationship with the other. When I am present and patient with myself, when I honor myself and pay attention, I find that my skills with others improve. When someone comes to me and asks for my attention, I have taken to listening as if it is a cast-out aspect of my own being that is making this request. If I want my relationships to improve, I must be whole and complete from within. Loving myself is a version of loving the world, for I am a child of God just like you.

I have also experienced that sense of Universal Love when I put myself into a class amongst others. Losing myself in the group is a form of participating in oneness. For a moment, I am part of a collective entity. This can give us an amazing experience of unity and non-separation.

My favorite aspect of teaching is that I get to be in the presence of people at their best: when they are loving themselves. The word yoga means to yoke, or to bring together, and it is a time to commune with the Self and to dwell in the the presence of personal light and power. Being in a room with others with likeminded purpose of self-love is extraordinary. Even when I am feeling most alone, I know that when I am in a group class, I can feel connected. This reminds me that I am never alone, and allows me to open up to love no matter what state my relationships are in.

Try, this month, to immerse yourself in the feeling of universal love by joining a class. It can be any kind, a spinning class, hot yoga or CrossFit. Find your place, and reside in that energy of light and love emanating from each individual to illuminate the state of Universal Love which is available at any time to anyone. 

Love Retreat

The outside is a refection of the inside. This is what I have read and experienced in my travels. When you are seeing the way love is coming back to you from "out there", it is a pretty good indication of what is happening internally. "Be the love" is my intention for 2014, for I noticed that I have been looking at love in terms of give/receive, and while completely valid, it occurred to me that this made love seem like a currency.

If indeed love is a currency, then I may be running at a deficit. Or at least a promissory note. What am I depositing into the bank account of self-love? As above so below, and the banking system seems to be a system that may not be entirely upfront… maybe even a little shifty. So what would the new way be?

Be the love. Be the abundance.

How would love view this situation, this feeling, this need, this request, this event, this being, this heart?

This year began for me with an instinct to reexamine love from within. Thus far, I have been holding space for my own feelings, listening more intently to my intuitions, and seeing/hearing the truth rather than an illusion or a dream of something better. Can I see and hear the truth from a place of love? Yes, but in order to do so, I must sit in the seat of love that rests in my heart.

I am officially on a love retreat. Inside my heart, I have been meditating and visualizing healing light pouring into me through a portal, and healing healing healing me. Any past or current hurts or pains are being flushed out with this light that I am breathing into me. Throughout my day, it is not the event or the task that is the goal, but the connection with my feelings as I do so. Paying close and quiet attention to my Self. That small voice from within.

Attention. Patience. Quality time. Sweetness. Listening. Carefully guiding myself back to the moment. The truth of the moment. The facts.

I feed myself a diet of only love. I breathe with love for 20 minutes each day. I sweat love through my pores. I speak love and I think love. As with any retreat, the temptation of external stimulus and old habits are within reach if I choose, but I set that aside and redirect myself to that seat. "Be the love."

Let's retreat and come back empty/full!

The Power of One

As we entered the first month of the New Year to begin anew, I started to think about the number one. Since my birthday arrives on 1-11, and my given name, Amanda, has three A's in it (the first letter of the alphabet…), what is the significance of the number one? In numerology, 1 is characterized by the qualities of new beginnings, creativity, leadership, and the Self. The very word "one" is supercharged with meaning. One love. One is the loneliest number. We're number one. Finding "the One." Computers even run on zeros and ones. Identity is a hot topic for the number one.

The "I" can be ego-based on the one hand, and on the other hand, the idea that we are "one" is universal. The difference between "One" and "1" can seem very different, however it is this dual nature that I find so intriguing. The idea that we are made of particles AND waves. The dance of duality can be laid to rest when we release the polarity of either/or to engage in the dance of yes/and.

Unity is the key to helping to resolve the polarization that can leave us feeling alone. In order to participate with the world at large, I must find my voice and share it with all. This is unique to the Self, but at the same time, I become "a part of" the vast ocean of humanity when I identify my Self. My Self is my offering. It must be if I am a spiritual being dressed up as a "Mandy."

In the past, insecurity and loneliness have bound me in isolation. Ironically, it is that very distress which causes me to look beyond, toward the one that binds us all. This power, this force of nature that breathes us all alive, although invisible, is undeniable and indivisible. I feel its very essence coursing through my veins. I feel it in my pulse. I live for it and by it.

One need not be lonely when you understand the significance. There is only one living breathing entity, and I am one of the beings that is a part of this ocean of humanity. Out of the nothing, arises a new idea. A hope to start fresh. A spark, a seedling… a breath.

We are indeed connected. The universe needs your one voice, your essence… for without you, I am incomplete. I must love my Self fully, and take good care of this mind/body/spirit. For I am you and you me. We are one… and when I find this truth I feel a surge of power. 1-11! Happy birthday to me!