Follow your intuition.
Down the street.
To the left. Into the second door you see on the right.
Open it.
Go inside.
Look up. Notice there is no ceiling. How high is the sky? Listen. Is there a voice? What does it say? If it reminds you of something, let it move you into your gut. Feel the message down to your core.
Settle in.
Notice how it feels to breathe into your belly. Erase the anxiety of yesterday. It never was what you thought it was anyway.
It feels good to sit. To allow the dream to unravel. It take you to a place that you can really sink into and dissolve. Pay no attention to the mood in the room. It's not easy to do, especially when HE is there.
See what happens when you tap your foot. Left and right. To the beat of the rhythm of today. When you were little, it seemed like it would go on forever. So far it has. So far you were right. You are still here. It's still forever.
What can you complete in forever?
Nothing. Nothing ever gets done when you live in forever. You can't finish. The curtain will come down on purpose. It won't be expected, but you will know in that moment. That every step you ever took was leading to right there and then. That everything always was just the way it was supposed to be.
Every step you ever took was eternal and in the presence of the dance.
There was never anything else. There was never anything to "do"... to "complete".
In that moment, I will cry and laugh at the same time. And I will cry and laugh and cry and laugh. I will remember everything that ever happened. I will remember that I knew it all along. I only pretended not to so I could follow along and have the experience.
My intuition. Guiding me. Down the stream. Through the ripples. Into the depths of me.
I got it.
The gift is exactly who I am.
I am an active girl. It seems I am always moving it and shaking it. One of the things I hear myself say over and over again is if you want movement in your life, move your legs! Change is imminent, and I have grown to love it. I am just one of those people who actually enjoys change. I love watching the show. Watching the world unfold and unwind itself. But I want to participate! I am an activist!
Lately, I feel a surge of activity. Seems that all of these yoga classes and runs are working out! Change is all around us. Just last week, I was able to see my friends and others speaking out.
Maggie DiNome brought holistic measures, like yoga, nutrition, and acupuncture to the Margie Petersen Breast Center at St. John's. I got to teach to Pink in the front row, in a simple Tree Pose, with Ms. Kate Beckinsale hosting. On Monday, the lovely Jennifer Aniston interviewed Gloria Steinem about modern feminism and redefining our views on value and self-worth. My friend, Lili Haydn participated in the One Billion Rising movement with the release of her new song, Here Is The Rose, rising up against violence towards women. I went to a house party for Marianne Williamson running for congress. Football players and famous actresses coming out at gay. It seems like old structures are being shattered, and we are creating a new framework.
I am incredibly excited about all of this. Personally, I have been breaking through (or at least seeing) some of my old patterns that were developed so long ago as a protective structure. Today, the world reflects my own desire for deep and profoundly permanent change. My inner journey requires an external overhaul. I am seeing more and more my own design that has been holding me back. I can see that when I am in my intimate relationships, I shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes, brushing off how I really feel, instead of sharing my real truth: which is that I am inspired to be completely present to your brave process. When I really take another in, and I see truth in a struggle being shared, and a genuine yearning to shift...I want to participate in that courageous path! I caught myself over and over again, hiding...pretending...but something in me shattered, for the better.
Change or be changed seems to be a sign of the times. I go, willingly. I just may have to start changing by moving my legs. But who knows what movement that will jump start. I hope you come along. Bring your own drummer!
1. I love my body, and my body lovingly responds.
2. Backbends! A backbend for an open heart! When I do a backbend, it opens my ribcage and allows me to expand my chest, symbolizing a heart opening. Bridge, Camel, Sphynx, Cat/Cow, Bow, Cobra, Upward Facing Dog are all back bends. They give me a flexible spine and allow my heart to open up.
3. Gratitude list in the morning. Gratitude expands my joy and happiness. My heart grows when I count my blessings.
4. You! When I love you, I am extending service, and the love I am giving flows through me, so I benefit.
5. Me! When I love me, and I am a reflection of you, I am loving you! Encourage me to love myself, it's good for both of us!
6. Delicious, wholesome organic farmer's market food. What I think and how I feel about what I put into my body had a direct connection to it's effect on me.
7. Chocolate! If you are going to ingest something that is a treat, enjoy it! Enjoyment is healthier than calorie counting and rigidity.
8. Sweating! Cardiovascular activity is good for your heart. Walk, run, play, spin, do sun salutes.
9. The Sun. The heart is the center of your body, and the sun is the center of your universe. Worship the sun!
10. Questioning. Love is always the answer.
11. My legs and feet. Find something you absolutely love about your body. Make it your mantra today.
12. Surprising people. Give compliments freely today. Skip the criticism.
13. Tears. And laughter. Be okay with whatever you are feeling. Let it flow. And let it go.
14. Walking around my house in the nude. Get naked! Be free! I love my body!!!
What can you dream? Goethe said whatever you can dream, you can become. When we dream collectively, we unify and co-create reality. Look at the internet. Pretty much any idea you have and any world you seek, so you shall find. There are others out there creating the dream with you. You are not alone. Everything turns out okay.
I remember my lonely days as a child. I felt so isolated from the others. From the outside it seemed that the other children had these cookie cutter lives. Dinner together at 6pm, a specific bedtime, and rules. My home was rattling with ideas. New ideas: macrobiotic food, the concept of yin and yang, Playboy, meditation, salt water purified swimming pool, tarot cards, and Amazake. I spent time reading Dostoevsky instead of The Hobbit or Little Women, and made endless lists while multi-tasking, never completely spacing out in front of the television the way others seemed to.
I imagined that if I lived in one of my friends' homes that life would be easier. Thanksgiving would be traditional, turkey-eating dinners. There wouldn't routinely be a half-naked man with his leg behind his head, breathing Darth Vader style in my entry way when I came downstairs in the morning. "Good Morning, Dad."
I would become a teenager and have a locker instead of going to a mobile school for experiential learning in a multi-colored mini van. I would go out on dates instead of having "feelings sessions" where we shared about our feelings with the nine other 13-year-olds in my mobile class.
I would work at a frozen yogurt shop while studying for a final exam instead of packing my bags for New York City to act in a Broadway show while my parents struggled with the affair that would break up our family, leaving me permanently disenfranchised from a family base.
I would have gone to a college university instead of developing an eating disorder to stay under 90 pounds while I acted on "Cheers", coming so close to getting a role in the movie "Say Anything", but instead landing a role in the surprise cult classic "Teen Witch." I would have met some guy who was a communications major instead of flirting endlessly with actors, and I would not have gotten my self-esteem from saying NO. And NO. And NO.
I would have believed in a linear reality instead of talking to my future self, and talking back to my little self. Reminding and asking if I would really be okay.
Life would be simple. I'd get a job, get married, have babies and then....I wouldn't have to/get to make it up. Whatever I want. What is this in-between space I live in? Without walls to protect me, I had to make these imaginary thought walls. These constructs that are movable, but harder to break down than the doors my father punched holes in when I was little.
Yes. It could have been different. But as I asked my future self to guide me, she always let me know that everything was going to be okay. I am her now. So every so often, I reach back. And I remind her, because there she is. Open. Asking. Thinking. And I am here for her. "Everything turns out okay in the end." And if it's not okay, it's not the end.
