Shadow and Light

"Only in darkness can you see the stars."
~Martin Luther King Jr.

As I fall back into Daylight Savings Time, and embrace the shorter days and the darkness of the night I look forward to the revelations I may have during night fall. Much is revealed when the darkness comes. I write this on Dia de los Meurtos, the day after Halloween where we come in close contact with the spirit world. The veil is very thin during this time of year. It is appropriate to become more nocturnal. Night time is a place where secrets are told. There is intimacy in the darkness. More is revealed in the in-between spaces of the night, as we come closer to the spirit world and the dream time.

 B photography, shadow and light, the body's edge. Schattenspiel

The emotionally dark times can bring us into deeper intimacy with ourselves. I have found my greatest strengths as I struggled with the despair of a loved one dying, the agony of my physical body failing me either through an injury or internally or the devastation of romantic heartbreak. It is in these moments when I stand alone and face my fears and my shadow that I stare into the void and am somehow imbued with an inner strength that seemingly comes from nowhere. It gives me faith on my journey. It reminds me that I am the heroine of my own story.

Shadow is a valuable commodity. While many selectively view themselves as positive or light, I embrace my depth and my dark. I dive into the abyss of the emptiness to explore the territory where no one has been. This is the ride I have chosen. The both/and. The shadow/light. I have seen signposts along the way telling me that this space is most fertile. I have heard that nature abhors a vacuum. Or that not-knowing is the most creative state. Time and again when I feel that I can't go on and I let go and surrender to the unknown, something new will appear. Just as when I look to the sky for that first star of the night with childhood memories of the promise that Jiminy Cricket made to me. I make my wish from that empty place of yearning and desire.

 I know that without my darkness my light will not shine as bright. I know that I must love this being fully. She longs to be known for all of who she is, not just the fruits of her labor, but the arduous journeyer that she is. Each step on the well worn path, pressed into her face and peppered throughout the strands of grey in her DNA. She wants to be seen. And she wants to see you.

Let us stand strong and watch the shadows play upon our faces as we gaze up at the stars in tonight's sky. Let us watch the shapes of dark and light that moon casts upon these well etched and hard earned wrinkles.

Oh how I love your empty spaces and your in-between places.

Dive In Deep

Transformation is a long and painful process. The ability to sit in the discomfort of the nothingness, like the chrysalis in it’s cocoon requires mastery. Entering as a lowly little caterpillar and emerging as the delicate and beautiful butterfly is a major adjustment. Today crawling and tomorrow fluttering by. Nature reveals these miracles daily, and reminds us of our own slow, yet seemingly instant, transformation. The external change appears to happen in a burst, yet the process itself is wildly unglamorous.

I will speak for myself when I say, these past two years (and particularly my past year) have been a slow and grueling transformation with periods of extreme sadness, waiting in the unknown and facing fears. Life has tested me to my core. Since I am a 47 year old woman, I have had some training and practice in being tested by circumstance. I was well-prepared to sit with and face my fears in a way that I have never done before. I can humbly say that my internal strength and my faith has grown tenfold. While there is still uncertainty, I am no longer trying to gain control over any outcome.

It feels like this: I settle into my cocoon. I sit, and willingly dive deeper. Uncover more of myself. Realize that she is there. Hiding. Hiding behind her strength, her accomplishments, her projected image. Who is this she, I am yearning to know? I let her know that I love the one who is hiding. I love her. The one who thinks she has more to say, but doesn’t know what. The one who wants to give more. The one who is afraid of being seen. Now I understand the fear. The timidity. Is it because she is delicate. Because she is fluttering by wiith her many colors in her final, beautiful stage.

As you move through transformative times, have patience. Know that the burn you feel in the stillness is the alchemical process of change.

Delight in your depth. Be heavy. Sit. Be still. There is nowhere to go. That is a good thing.

Restructure your thinking. As above, so below. Nobody and nothing else is the problem. The problem is blaming outside circumstance for the way you feel. Instead, feel the way you feel. And notice your thoughts.

I wish you depth and faith!

Reflections on Navaratri

In my daily meditations I reflect and learn. To practice yoga is to seek balance. A balance of strength and flexibility in body and in mind. Conditioning  polarizes us and teaches us "good" vs. "bad." We lose our balance, trying to do "right" instead of "wrong." We seek "strength" and shun "weakness." Yet, each day, our world reflects back to us that one person's "victory" is another's "defeat." Life is balanced in this way. One needs the other, and so the wheel spins.

The path of yoga is the path of both/and. My judgment of a brother or sister is usually a reaction to a quality that I disown within myself. My sense of lack gets triggered if I forget that I too possess the beauty I may project on to another. All that I see and encounter in my world is simply reflected aspects of my Self.

What an eye-opener to entertain that I contain the compassion of Christ and the callous self-righteousness of Isis. As I open up to my own depth and complexity, I find a deeper peace with the world as I sit solidly in my center. No more hiding. No more hiding my fear, my insecurity or my rage. No more hiding behind my accomplishments. No more hiding behind my friends. No more hiding behind my opinions. No more hiding behind my history. No more hiding behind what my dad said or did. No more hiding.

Our Navaratri Altar to Goddess Durga

Auspicious seat.

The Self is the playing field of these dynamic energies. During this week, I had the opportunity to connect with the energy of Navaratri, the Hindu celebration of the Divine Mother in her many forms. She is fierce, pure, abundant, sly, life-giving, and she rides atop a tiger. Her eight limbs hold tools. I was given the tool of the malas or rosary. When I read about this tool, I was delighted to find that it contains the ability for special powers. Both the ability to become so small that one becomes invisible and large enough to encompass the universe. The ability to become so heavy that one is immovable and the power to be light as a feather. Who is this Self that can contain such extreme opposites?

In reflecting upon this vast playing field, one could contemplate that indeed we are not simply one point of focus, or even one player, but like the Divine Mother we are the field itself and the multiple players, as well as we are none of it at all. The dance itself is life. Each playing its part. Sometimes blindly. Sometimes fearlessly.

When I look at the world today, what aspects of myself might I see? When I see myself, how can I embrace her with the reverence and fierce love that comes with the naked truth. How can I be both visible and seemingly not there at all. Reflections of the many forms of truth.

My sister from the same mister. 

Which me shall I be? 

Monday/Moon Day

The rhythms of the planets are a cyclical dance of synchronized chaos. The moon, our fastest moving planet rules our emotions, moods and needs. If you are like me, this can change from hour to hour (that's a Gemini moon for you!) The new moon is a one month marker, of a certain energetic theme. This new moon vibrates in the sign of Libra. Partnership oriented; concerned with fairness and equality, Libra needs to relate and cooperate with/as an equal. This sign of marriage is ruled by the planet Venus. Venus is known to bring beauty, pleasure, money and love.

When looking at a new moon chart, one must read the other planets for clues. On this new moon, the planet of chaos and excitement, Uranus and the planet of transformation, death and depth, Pluto create friction. When faced with immediate change and power struggles, our needs may warrant an overhaul. Today. The planet ruling Libra: Venus, is conjunct Mars and Jupiter, making her extra physical and sexy. She is also opposite Neptune. This can be spiritual or deceptive. Another hint is that Saturn is engaged in a bit of a struggle with all of these personal planets. Many lessons to learn, many hard circumstances to work with. Inhale. Exhale. Continue.

There may be relationship issues requiring structure. Be flexible, and patient with this new moon. Tune in to what relationship means to you today. Get current with where you are. For instance, you may have wanted marriage years ago, but with a few bumps in the road and some experience under your belt, you may have decided that flying solo might work best for now. Or perhaps attraction is shifting. Perhaps what you once swooned over~ just don't seem to evoke the same visceral reaction anymore. You have arrived at a new place in your life. Outer beauty only goes so far. 

Take the time to redefine your partnership needs. It may be a good time to make that list of qualities you are looking for in a partner and take it a step further. What qualities do you want to project in a partnership? What would you like to give to another? 

Most importantly allow information to flow freely. See what sticks. 

Partnerships do require compromise. As my uncle, who is an attorney says, "A good deal is when both parties are a little disappointed." Be willing to let go of something, knowing that you will have more to gain by working "with."

New Moon Blessings! 

Inner Beauty

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."— Audrey HepburnAs a  young girl I looked to my mother as the icon of beauty. I always  noticed that she was  appealing and charismatic.   Men would stop her on the street, women would start chatting with her at the  grocery store and all my friends wanted her to hang out with us.  She was really quite something.  My father,  being a bit crass gave her the nickname Audrey Heartburn. Nice. One thing that I did recognize about my mother was that she would tend to look on the bright side of things, and give others the benefit of the doubt. If I came home from a confrontation with a girl at school, she would remind me that perhaps the reason the other little girl was so cruel, was because she may not have it so good at home. It could be quite frustrating when I wanted to complain, or have her on my side. Looking back, I am happy that I had a mother that pointed out that I might look a little further into someone to find some compassion. Decades later, my mother became a  literacy teacher to children, and was quite the popular rock star. Kids would beg their parents to allow them to be tutored, even if they were doing well in school. Mom was in demand.  She played with and entertained the kids, one of them was   quite disappointed when he found out she was not his age and he would not be able to marry her.   It was a lesson she taught to a little girl ,Luah, who was not in the spotlight next to her friend who was being complimented on her beautiful dress. Luah was a little upset and asked "what about mine?" My mother noticed this and  told her that there is such a thing as "inner beauty." Did she know what that was? And proceeded to share with her about goodness. What a lovely lesson, even to this day. Inner Beauty. What is it? It is a feeling towards the world. A way of looking at the world with love. It's a way of feeling touched by the gifts of nature  that we can find in any given moment. Standing in the light of life itself , we can develop the grace to receive abundance and to take each moment thoughtfully and with poise. This requires presence of heart and mind. Taking the time to be exactly where you are and to choose light and delight. You are not alone. The best possible way to know this in your heart is to  begin a relationship with a force that walks alongside you, supports and sustains you. The best possible way to begin is with a sit. I've heard it said that prayer is how I talk to God, and meditation is   how I listen.  In each moment, as I pause through out my day , I can allow this stream of light to enter my heart. Prior to my action, I can learn to pause and see through the eyes of G-d. Which holds all in the light. To me, this is Inner Beauty. 

Hashtag SuperMoon

It seems no matter where you turn these days, you see a #hashtag about a Super Moon. I knew the hundredth monkey phenomenon had officially occurred when my uncle, who is a lawyer, reminded me not to get upset because Mercury in retrograde is "real." This weekends' Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse was actually trending!! Well, Mercury is retrograde. So how can we make sense of all this "information?" As I was checking out my own social media, I actually became weary of the obligatory posts on said #supermoon. So feel free to tune in again next week, unfriend, or even make a snide comment if you must. (I actually got one on my Facebook page: Blablabla, he commented. And I sort of agreed. 

Now down to business. After over four decades of astrological study, here's what I know: Whenever there is a full moon we are working with the polarity of opposites. Issues of relationships come to the fore because we are working with the Sun (self) and the Moon (internal emotional life); therefore emotions heighten as we feel a pull from deep within and equally from the external forces. We feel pulled in two opposing directions, creating dynamic tension. This past full moon was on the Aries/Libra axis. The sun in peace-making Libra and the moon Libra's opposite fiery sign of Aries. This indicates an internal need to care for the self first; to follow your impulse and to be selfish. At the same time, the conscious and solar life highlights partnerships. How can you balance your own needs with those you are closest to? 

Now for the eclipse part, which is what made it a #BloodMoon because of the pinkish hue. As earth travels between the moon and sun, it eclipses that light reflecting off of the moon. In this moment of darkness, there is a reboot. In a way like turning your computer off and then on. Eclipses have a six month effect, so it marks a new theme in your life. It isn't like a lightening bolt or an "aha" unless it is touching your personal planets. For more clues into what this may look like for you, perhaps you can remember back to Fall of 1996. There was an eclipse in a similar position. What were you learning then? Take some time to identify what themes are similar for you today and stay available for a makeover.

As far as the SuperMoon part, when the moon gets as close to the earth as possible, thus making it appear larger, and has no significant astrological effect due to this display. I will say, there have been a lot of #SuperMoons lately. I almost feel that I need to jump on the bandwagon and address it! 

I will leave you with this, everyone has Aries and Libra somewhere in their chart. Personally, I try to roll with the energy of the day and in the Libra month, balance postures, surfing, and aerial yoga classes could benefit you during this month. When training at the gym, work with a Bosu Ball to challenge your balance. Relationships and negotiating, compromise and pretty things take priority. When challenged by the impulse of the moon in Aries that is quick, impulsive and active, communication is the key. But what's done is done. Moving on. I hope you had a #SuperWeekend and have a #SuperWeek filled with #SuperSunSalutations.

Balance is Beautiful: Let's Fall!

As a young woman, my life was filled with extremes. I swung from being a very rigid and serious task master; so strict with my body and diet to being undisciplined and directionless, in body and mind. As age has seasoned me, my swings have lessened and my life has become more subtle.Too much strength and we become hardened. Too much flexibility and we get wishy washy. When we learn to hold the dynamic of opposites and extend in both directions simultaneously, life becomes a beautiful dance. Balance is a dance of opposites, which creates a dynamic energy: both/and. This engages us and allows us to relate with one another, with our environment and with our own bodies. 

Let’s look through the lens of yoga: 

*GAZING POINT: for a balance posture the gazing point is essential. In life too, we can find our higher vision and still the mind of petty details and tit for tat mentality.

*BREATH: The breath and finding the natural body rhythm is key to being in the present moment. In life there is an ebb and flow, a natural rhythm. Being present may require waiting and a trusting that things are happening as they should, as well when we are present we sense the moment when it is time to act. There is a divine timing. 

*EXTENSION: We embrace the world of opposites, and experience the dynamic energy within that. It is possible for more than one truth to exist simultaneously. Understanding that we are both light and dark, we awaken to wholeness. 

Balance. although serene to behold is really quite active requires attention. Just like an easy relationship, presence is key. When communicating, repeat back what has been said by your partner said to be sure you understood, and that the other feels heard. Mirroring the body language of the other is a tool that creates a feeling of being in sync. In relationship to ourselves and others, communication is a key element for an easy, natural flow. 

Check in and be related to your body, and what it requires. It will let you know. 

POSE OF THE MONTH

BOAT POSE: NAVASANA

THIS POSE WILL INCREASE YOUR BALANCE AS IT TONES YOUR ABDOMINALS AND FIRES UP YOUR DIGESTION.

DIRECTIONS: From a seated position, bend your knees and place the soles of the feet on the floor. Grip your hamstrings and extend your chest up, almost pressing your lower back forward. Balance on your sit bones. Extend your legs so that your toes are at eye level. Reach your arms straight out in front of you, parallel to the floor, and lift your chest and sternum upward as you gaze up.  Balance here, using the strength your lower abdominal muscles. Hold for 5 breaths. Repeat 2 times. 

Here’s to a beautiful Fall! But when you fall out of your pose, simply try again.