Sunday, October 25, 2015

Dive In Deep

Transformation is a long and painful process. The ability to sit in the discomfort of the nothingness, like the chrysalis in it’s cocoon requires mastery. Entering as a lowly little caterpillar and emerging as the delicate and beautiful butterfly is a major adjustment. Today crawling and tomorrow fluttering by. Nature reveals these miracles daily, and reminds us of our own slow, yet seemingly instant, transformation. The external change appears to happen in a burst, yet the process itself is wildly unglamorous.

I will speak for myself when I say, these past two years (and particularly my past year) have been a slow and grueling transformation with periods of extreme sadness, waiting in the unknown and facing fears. Life has tested me to my core. Since I am a 47 year old woman, I have had some training and practice in being tested by circumstance. I was well-prepared to sit with and face my fears in a way that I have never done before. I can humbly say that my internal strength and my faith has grown tenfold. While there is still uncertainty, I am no longer trying to gain control over any outcome.

It feels like this: I settle into my cocoon. I sit, and willingly dive deeper. Uncover more of myself. Realize that she is there. Hiding. Hiding behind her strength, her accomplishments, her projected image. Who is this she, I am yearning to know? I let her know that I love the one who is hiding. I love her. The one who thinks she has more to say, but doesn’t know what. The one who wants to give more. The one who is afraid of being seen. Now I understand the fear. The timidity. Is it because she is delicate. Because she is fluttering by wiith her many colors in her final, beautiful stage.

As you move through transformative times, have patience. Know that the burn you feel in the stillness is the alchemical process of change.

Delight in your depth. Be heavy. Sit. Be still. There is nowhere to go. That is a good thing.

Restructure your thinking. As above, so below. Nobody and nothing else is the problem. The problem is blaming outside circumstance for the way you feel. Instead, feel the way you feel. And notice your thoughts.

I wish you depth and faith!

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