I have been following an energetic spiral that flows through the center of my body in my meditations. I follow that spiral as far down into my center as I can. I travel as far out into space along that spiral as I can imagine. I sit in the center of this spiral strand that extends in both directions for what seems like (and probably is, scientifically) eternity. There are certain points along the way that I call my past and my future. Yet here I sit in this human body: heaven on earth.
As I look back at the patterns, and the points that were breakthrough experiences in my life, I am so deeply happy for my incredible, life-changing moments. The journey that has brought me right here and beyond! In truth, it is all happening simultaneously, which I experience as I travel up and down the spiral. In my imagination, there are no limitations or constraints of time and space. So far, there are no rules in that nation. I am free to discover and explore. Forwards and backwards. I can turn the events inside out, until they morph into similar patterns at other times in my life. In fact, my life repeats that way, just like 12/12/12. Something happens just like what happened 30 years ago. A brand new understanding opens up!!
I was considering these life-changing events. The ones that expanded me forever. There have been a few. Moving to a large house with a pool: "We're rich!" Leaving public school: "The system is a sham! We have the power!" Becoming macrobiotic and yogic: "Food is medicine." Acting in a Broadway show. "Dream come true. I DID IT. I BELIEVE IN ME!" My parents' divorce: "There is no stability. I have to take care of myself." My first crush "Uh oh." Being assaulted: "I want to live." Teaching spinning: "I have a purpose." My first love/broken heart: "Pain is God's hand in my heart." 9/11: "What was I thinking?" My father's death: "There are no words." And now: "I accept."
The above video is a moment captured in time, from thirty years ago, when my life did a complete 180. In that year, I became an actress on Broadway—my dream! (Little known fact...I had creatively visualized and imagined getting the role. I even had a dream with Neil Simon where I got the part.) My amazing school closed due to lack of funds while I was in New York and my parents split. So my foundation vanished while I was away from home. (Sidebar: a couple of years before I got my first role in this show, my mother was threatening to leave my father after yet another volatile argument, and I said, "Just wait until I become an actress." It was a total coincidence that my father fell in love with another woman as I was fulfilling my actress dream.)
In the end, all of this story, every incident, is just another point of reference. Another moment in time. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy my journey. Every moment of it. Up and down this spiral, like a strand of my own hair...or my DNA. I sit here, and I smile. And I try to imagine...what is next?!
Do you know? I bet you do....