Monday, August 13, 2012

Act As If...

I don't feel great today. I don't. I know that I will go teach today and I will find a way, an angle, and that I will feel better in the action, but I don't always wake up feeling great when I have a client or when I must teach a class. I remember one of my old students saying to me: "You are always in such a good mood", and me thinking...."Really? Have you met me???" You can not judge your insides by other people's outsides.

As we walk through the world and rub up against each others energies, we assume that people feel as amazing as they seem. Most people are out there, putting on a good face and just doing the best they can. Since I pride myself on authenticity (...and let's just say "cheerful" authenticity, to tip my hat to the 'real' me - light and deep, just the way I was wired.), I very much dislike when someone passes me in the street and tells me to "SMILE", or when I read the chronic positivity on Facebook. Each person's wall an ad for how awesome they are, how great they are doing and why you should watch their (Facebook) show. Each person posting their personal creed and advice as to how you can have a life as great as theirs: here's how.

There is that saying that I learned in acting class: "Act as if..." Essentially we can act our way into correct thinking, but it is less often that we can think our way into correct action. It can certainly take me some time, to get myself into the right head space. When I do the right behavior, it's uncanny that the inside begins to match the outside. That doesn't mean I need to plaster a phony smile on my face and be perfect, BUT I can show up, not cancel my class or postpone any part of my life until I "feel" like doing something. If I allow my feelings to run the show, I am going to be all over the place. My feelings change daily, if not hourly. Like the waves on the ocean. I get to navigate what is there, but not allow it to take me off course.

So here I am. Today. Not exactly perfect. When you walk by me today, you may tell me to "smile!" You may not understand why tears roll freely down my face while I am in line at the cleaners. Or why I am quiet in my own world on my yoga mat with a fierce focused gaze, or is that a glare? One thing I know: I will show up and take the actions of a person who is happy, joyous and free. I will help where I can. Contemplate the glory of nature, and the sounds of children, not my own. I will keep my head up, my eyes open and my heart soft. Because I know that is how I will act the day I fall in love again.

Today: BOW Pose. For those who want it wrapped up in a nice neat little bow. How about assuming the position!


  1. Today is my birthday and I don't feel great today. I don't. It's being a while since I do not feel great at all, actually, but just a week a go since I realized. Since I made contact with my soul and start listening to my heart. My body has been trying to tell me for a few months now, though. My knee it's been hurt for the past three months so I couldn't practice any exercise. And now that it seems to be better, my right wrist is injured with Quervain's Tendinitis... Obviously not my best year... But I can't keep thinking that the problem is inside not outside. And I do not really know how to handle it. I feel so lost. I miss yoga, I miss California, I miss feeling love...
    But today yo go and write. You write again giving me a little peace. Thanks for sharing you soul with us. I wish I could have someone so wise and good at heart at my side. Really hope no one ask you to smile today. Really hope you can stay and feel the way you like today. Thanks for sharing glare. Your words always let me feel and think clearly.
    Have a beautiful day.

  2. Mandy, you bring me peace. I want to be and think I am a positive person, but some days I feel like a petulant teenager. Instead of beating myself up over it, I will just push through it and do what I do. Because my emotions can't run my life if I don't let them! You're the best.