The pointless tragedy that happened in Colorado last week had me dumbstruck and in shock, just like the rest of the world. The idea that in one moment, so many lives could be altered on a random Friday night in an unsuspecting entertainment outing. As I read the news on Twitter, Facebook and the internet (almost instantly), it was very difficult to process. I don't know that I have a file for this particular category in my brain. It isn't political, personal or logical. No matter how I try to spin it, there doesn't seem to be a correct intelligent response. Who can I become angry with and blame? If I don't get angry and point the finger, does that mean I condone this? Compassion and imagination will not allow me to completely check-out and ignore it. If I don't use this to prove my case, if I don't get behind my cause and my belief systems, if I don't personalize it and make it about me, if I don't ignore the problem (saying it was a troubled person, a symptom, an accident), or if I don't try to immediately solve it with a healing salve of white light and reason...where does this leave me?
I have experienced personal loss, and some events in my life that have not made sense, so as I reach into those moments, I try to stretch to relate to the event. What occurs to me today, is that sometimes things don't have a logical answer. They don't make sense. There are mistakes. There are tragedies that will alter us. In what way, we do not know. When I choose to sit in the moment and weather the storm in my heart, and do nothing to fix myself or it, I find that what is left is simply feeling. The feeling of grief and compassion, beneath the logic. Beneath the fear and anger. Beneath the knowledge. What sits in me is simply my heart, breaking open. And it occurs to me that sometimes when things do not make sense, the only thing left to do is to sit and allow my heart to break right open. It is in the feeling that the healing begins.
As I breathe, I do remember: "Pain is God's Hand In My Heart."