Monday, April 8, 2013

Initiation by Fire

Sometimes the best way to learn is to step up and just begin. I was born to a risk-taker and a procrastinator; I have both within me. The perfectionistic planner that wants to be loved by all, or the careless gambler that just does it anyway. I like to feel safe. The simple base of "practice" constructs a place to visit daily. My routine is something that I can count on through the ups and downs of breakups and book deals. More often than not, this "practice" has been taken from me as an initiation.

Last weekend I accidentally sliced the ball of my foot. Not enough to cause permanent damage, but enough to knock me off balance and get me out of my usual routine. Suddenly, nothing to do. No private clients to hobble over to on my crutches. No pictures or demos to send out on the internet. No afternoon walks or yoga classes or sweating at all, in fact. Not even taking my garbage down the stairs, for that matter. Somehow I am initiated into a new phase.

I cannot remember a time in my life when physical change, injury or accident, did not accompany a major shift. A broken arm preceded a broken home (my parents' split). An assault preceded a career change (from actress to instructor). A fire in my home inducted me into my first real relationship. A back injury accompanied losing my job/s workplace. A knee surgery had me incapacitated just before I went public in all the magazines. Today, I sit and wonder what this laceration on my sole (soul) may initiate.

Where this next chapter takes me, I do not know. I sense the change. I sense the action. I feel the fire burning inside of me. Without my practice, I must sit with the fire. No outlet for this burn. Holding the alchemy within me. Sitting. Waiting. Not knowing where this lands me, but allowing the heat to purify me from within. Economy of movement. Internal transformation. The foundation has already been shaken. I am mid-fall. Heading for the flames.

No turning back.


1 comment:

  1. Oh, Mandy. It never ceases to amaze me. Your blog posts seem to be timed to whatever message I need at the moment. When the student is ready, the teacher arrives?