I have been exploring the idea of the beauty standard. What that is, and how it is changing. I was recently shot for Vogue Germany. As I have been saying, there are many reasons that never should have happened to a 5'4" Jewish American chick that looks like me. In fact, had I announced to my mother that I had a dream of modeling for a beauty magazine, she would have been correct to point me in a different direction. Fortunately, I never had that dream. At least I thought not.
Underneath it all, I am a girl. I have dormant fantasies about marriage, fairy tale romances, being a ballerina and yes, a model. Girls are raised to aspire to these dreams. Having not ever fit into society in the first place, I turned off the part of my brain that's like the other little girls. Or so I thought. As I approached my shoot date, and the call sheet arrived...just seeing the word Vogue plastered all over the place and my name right on that list, I felt that I was experiencing a dream come true....only I never even knew I had the dream!
What else lays dormant within me, that I have shut down for lack of confidence? The relationship that feeds me? Riding off into the sunset? I'm sure there is so much more that the old beauty standard had robbed me of. But it appears that I may have limited myself unnecessarily.
They say that life is a reflection of what we believe. If this is the case, I dare to say that I am accepting my beauty. Somehow, I am making choices that facilitate me in feeling more deserving and powerful. I cannot say this has been conscious, yet I know that all of my choices today are based on taking good care of myself, and selecting my company wisely. Again, I am not even sure how conscious this has been. It just sort of happened.
It came to mind that I am grateful I never knew I had this dream. Had I known, I would have had to build a support system, or fought against the doubters. My life today is large because I am not asking permission. I can feel my power and my beauty emanating from within. Shining like that light that I am, shining in your eyes. And you are the light shining in mine. The future looks bright.