Monday, April 23, 2012

From Co-dependent to Co-Abundant

Becoming a young woman in the early '90's brought with it the awareness of  co-dependence: relationships that seemed draining or isolating and unequal. I have a tendency to be co-dependent. The usual feed-back I get when I share this confession with others who have been in long-term relationships is: who isn't? Whilst day-dreaming and fantasizing about that perfect partnership, a new term has come to me: Co-abundant. I was absolutely delighted when this term dropped into my head. What if, in fact, the better I do personally, the more I benefit my relationships in a very tangible and personal way? I can focus on doing well myself and directly benefit my partner in co-operation. This is the type of relationship I wish to cultivate in business, friendships, marriage, my community and even with the Earth itself. Now you may have been onto this from the start, but this is an independent woman's epiphany. Instead of the flip-flop of dependence, the commitment to abundance.

Feeling less-than or better-than is epidemic in our culture. The old bell-curve education system has created a sense that there is not enough room for all of us at the top, or that in order to survive we either have to sacrifice ourselves or compete. But what if it were the opposite? What if the better I do, the better you do? The old way of relating simply doesn't work anymore. I don't mean the false-cheerleader-types who batter you with a positive attitude, even though you sense that they are chronically addicted to manifestation in the name of "spirituality". The problem remains: once we get what we want, we rarely know what to do with it. It feels isolating without partnerships and shared experience. It is much more fun to be co-abundant!

Certainly finding ways to work together is the essence of this type of living. Knowing what you love to do, and finding ways to pool resources in order to magnify individual success is the key. It comes down to knowing the self - "what are my needs?" Appreciating the abundant resources and the limitless nature of our Earth is essential. Nature is unlimited, it is humans who are in danger of eliminating themselves. Whatever shape this cosmos may take, it is only creation and re-creation. When I get in alignment and attuned with nature, I stop fearing the not-enough-ness, and delight in the pleasures that abound. There is enough for me and you.

How to release the competition?
  • Know that what you have to offer is enough.
  • Trust the Earth. There are unlimited resources. The Earth is constantly regenerating itself. Life is providing you with all that you need.
  • Understand that when your friends and family and partners do well, that you too are doing well.

After I gave up my former career as an actress, I felt embarrassed when I ran into old co-workers. I felt unseen and over looked when I met new people who did not know my past accomplishments.  I felt stuck every time I told a story of my past. Eventually, I had to relinquish outdated expectations. It turns out that when I became present to what is in front of me today, and did the next designated thing, all of my friends' victories quite literally became mine. So I plan on doing very well for myself. I am set on being co-abundant with all of you.


  1. Hello Mandy

    I believe the concept you are referring to closely relates to the African concept of Ubuntu which loosely translates to "A person is a person through other people" Where in previous African societies and still some today share their resources so that the entire community can flourish and not just the individual.

    Thank you for the yogalosophy dvd you created and the fun personality with which you demonstrate the poses and exercises, because though the workout isn't easy, having you there suffering right along with me, makes it all worthwhile.

    MP Kotze

  2. Makes me think of mudita, a buddhist word for: happiness at another's success in life